What
by Rangerbaldwin
Summary: Post the episode screwed.  Warning, Season 789 spoilers


Time Frame: Post "Screwed" Note: I have not seen any new season episodes or advertisements, this is my own idea

Summary: What Stabler was thinking when he hears the results of what he did with ex-wife Kathy.

Notes: SPOILERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8/9 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Relationship: Slight Elliot/Olivia

Rating: age14 and up.

What

By Lynda Mayfield

Part One

What was I thinking, returning to my wife's bed? No, my ex-wife's bed. We didn't think. We only acted. In over twenty years of lovemaking, we didn't use birth control. We were good little Catholics, go to Mass, give till it hurts, and raise your children right. When Kathy asked me to stay, to make love to her, neither of us gave pregnancy a thought. She's over forty, for crying out loud! Our oldest is in college.

What I thought was that she was my safety net. I blindly gave in to my emotions, and my wants. I didn't check myself, that's how this happened. I should've chucked my emotions for Kathy at the door and focused on our four beautiful, smart, children. They know what happened, what's been happening. This wasn't the first time Kathy and I reunited in sex since the divorce was finalized.

What event convinced me she wanted me back in her bed? I never should've done it. Moving back home was what I wanted that first time. Instead, I have been granted repeated one night stands. I was never this irresponsible before. Still, I feel safe with her. Wanted and loved. Who would say no to that?

What I need to do is realize my responsibilities. Keeping this baby is up to Kathy, though. I won't influence her one way or another. Devout Catholics as we have always been, I must assume she wants it. I haven't been the best Catholic, particularly in the last five years, but whenever my family has absolutely needed me, home is where they found me. Child support is already in place, and I guess my paycheck will get slashed again for the new baby. That's on me. Kathy will have the most difficult burden, taking care of an infant, alone. I guess I could move back home but I don't think that would help or be to anyone's benefit: Kathy's, the baby's, or mine. Babies don't fix problems. They are their own, little encapsulation of problems, one compounded into another. My problems are still no good for the family. I would be more responsible to stay out of the way and just come when called - - I can ferry the kids around to after school activities if she needs me to. Whatever she says, because I am lost at sea with all of this.

What can I do to explain this to my friends, my boss? Captain Cragen will understand. I won't be missing any more time from work than for any of my older children. Except maybe the day it's born. I already gave Olivia the news. She won't tell anyone without my asking her to. She's good like that, Liv is. I gave her a hell of a lot of attitude with that admission. And I yelled at her when all she did was ask a simple question.

What I should get are my car keys. Yes. We should talk.

Part Two

"What are you doing here, are you okay?" Olivia asked as Elliott stood outside her door.

"I wanted to tell you, it wasn't on purpose and I'm sorry." He followed her to the living room.

"What do you mean? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"What is happening, with me and Kathy. I yelled at you and I should not have, you should know that nothing is going on between us."

"So, you aren't the father."

"I probably am the father, but not for a good reason." He hung his head.

"Stop, right now. You don't have to explain yourself to me, or anything of what is going on. We're partners. At work and that's it, right? Working professionals?"

He met her gaze. "I'd for that to continue, yea. Just . . . I'd kick myself if I did anything to drive you away again. Like last year."

"Hey, we're the best team Cragen's got, we've got a case tomorrow and I'll be there for you, whether or not you've resumed your relationship with Kathy. If you need anything, though, just let me know."

"Can I, uh, could I crash on your couch tonight? I don't want to be alone right now."

She nodded. "Sure. Let me get you pillows and a blanket."

Elliott sank back on her couch. An unexpected wave of peace washed over him and he suddenly felt as though things would work out.

"Elliot, you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, just thinking." He took the pillows and things she had brought to him and began to settle on the couch.

"You want to carpool tomorrow, too?"

"If that's all right. I've got a change of clothes at work."

She smiled. "Sure."

"Everything's going to be all right." He said aloud once she had gone to her bedroom. He turned off the lamp on the table and lay down to sleep.

The End


End file.
